Having_a_Healthy_Relationship

Having a Healthy Relationship Katherine Veltkamp Axia College of University of Phoenix Com 220 November 25, 2008 Love is mysterious, fascinating, and when found with the right person, there is nothing better. Love is very surprising; learning what makes a healthy loving relationship is something that the world struggles with everyday. Studies show that people with healthy relationships do have more happiness and less stress. There are basic ways to make relationships healthy, even though each one is different; parents, siblings, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, professors, roommates, and classmates (Woodford, 2008). Relationships are a part of every life and making that relationship last is never easy. When people enter into a relationship the last thing thought about is, “How can we make sure the relationship is healthy and how long is this relationship going to last'” Falling in love can induce a calming effect on the body and mind, which helps to improve the memory. Relationships are most important in everyday life; relationships are a major part to happiness; because strong relationships start with communication, trust, and commitment to each other (Hadkins, 2008). Research shows that the greatest source of joy in life is a healthy relationship, the greatest source of frustration and pain is unhealthy relationship. The quality of a relationship can ripple across an individual’s life, the lives of those around and even impact future generations (Oliver, 2008). Respect is a major building block of a relationship listening to each other in a relationship is a sign of respect emotional affirmation and understanding the value of opinions is respectful. Love may feel like the first point of a healthy relationship but leaning how to love and to be loved starts with having respect. Giving respect, makes that one special person feel good and in return will show respect toward the relationship. In a healthy relationship, do not expect everyone to agree with every thought or feeling in the relationship. Mutually agree on something that may cause some differences, talk it out together, and build respect for each other’s individual space. Inside and outside the relationship act in a manner that will always maintain respect for self, and others. Everyone needs personal time, learning how to respect this individual time is healthy in every relationship. Personal time is taking at least 30 minutes every day to be by oneself (Sayre, 2008). Taking a bath, going for a walk reading a book, or even a movie alone is part of having personal time. If one person in the relationship needs that personal time, there is no reason to be alarmed, this is the persons way of saying “I need me time” it does not mean that the relationship is in trouble. When there is no personal time, individuals feel crowded or even smothered, this can result in an argument. Even in a healthy relationship, arguments will happen because of different family upbringings, individual life experiences, and personal opinions. When people respect each other, one will find a way to end the argument by finding a solution that both people feel is satisfactory. In a healthy relationship, no one is right or wrong all the time, and in that relationship, mistakes must be acknowledged and accepted. Holding hands and walking on the beach supports bonding. In a healthy relationship there needs to be support and trust. Every person needs to support goals that one has set is healthy in a relationship. Each person in a relationship will have individual feelings and opinions that need support; trust those feelings and opinions. Each person is responsible for their own choices whether that person is aware of these choices or not. One may judge the behavior of another in any way that we choose to, but there are penalties for trying to enforce our opinions on them. Our efforts to change the other rarely work, this will cause many relationship problems and the partnerships may become destroyed. There are things to avoid these penalties, called an "open-ended treatment.” The need for trust arises from interdependence with others. Identify trust as a key element of successful conflict resolution in a healthy relationship (Lewicki, 2003). A single trust violation may seriously damage or irreparably destroy trust and the relationship. Despite the assertions of some scholars that broken trust is not fixable, there is a more recent research indicating a more optimistic view. Trust is agreed to be an essential for a human relationship, but the understanding of trust can collapse. In a personal or romantic relationship, trust is often confused with being taken-for-granted attitude of unquestioning acceptance or something called “simple trust” (Solomon, 2003) (Solomon, 2003) (Solomon, 2003) (Solomon, 2003) (Solomon, 2003) (Solomon, 2003) (Solomon, 2003)(Solomon, 2003). Dishonesty is a leading cause to depression, talk to each other about worries and fears. Honesty is the foundation that a healthy relationship builds. Honesty is having respect for self and others. There are people today that think that being honest with another is just admitting the truth, but there is more to being honest. Couples have come to believe that hiding little things from their partner is fine, this is how dishonesty starts. Always be open with each other, no matter how small it may seem, it could turn into something large and out of control. Acknowledge the past to have honesty in the present and future. There are changes that happen in a relationship, this is the road to being honest. Knowing what both people in the relationship truly want will guide the relationship to a healthy pathway. When too many people become involved problems arise, a relationship is the partnership of two individuals that have found love and care for each other.  A romantic relationship is supposed to be two people in a partnership sharing of individuality, sharing their hearts, minds, bodies, and souls together.  If we want to love, we must learn how to forgive (Mother Theresa). For a relationship to remain healthy, forgiveness is a part of healing after a problem. To forgive the situation, one must come to understand the problem. When there is a problem, start with discussing the problem, although the one that is hurt may not forgive, discussing the problem is healthy for the relationship. The matter of a couples’ harmony is to find forgiveness, this could be a secret to a relationships lasting longer (Luskin 2007). Forgiveness will not happen overnight, time is a part of forgiving. Human beings crave intimacy; need to love, and want to be loved in return. Yet people have much trouble doing so. People need the courage to forgive and the one who learns to forgive learns to love and make a relationship work. If one has been hurt in the relationship then it may not be possible for the relationship to survive until the hurt individual can learn to forgive. The Amygdalar Response, Amygdala (Greek for “almond”) is a tiny almond-sized area at the base of the brain that triggers the body’s alarm system. This response takes all the information coming into the body, and if it perceives a threat, of any kind, it triggers a powerful “fight or flight” response in the body. Heart rate goes up, adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones) are released, digestion shuts down, and blood flow increases to the muscles. The body is physiologically prepared to fight or run (Dubuc, 2002)The ventral tegmental area (VTA), a group of neurons at the very centre of the brain, plays an especially important role in this circuit. The VTA receives information from several other regions that tell it how well various fundamental needs, and more specifically human needs, are being satisfied. The VTA then forwards this information to another structure further forward in the brain: the nucleus accumbens. To send this information to the nucleus accumbens, the VTA uses a particular chemical messenger called dopamine. The increase in the level of dopamine in the nucleus accumbens, and in other brain regions, reinforces the behaviors by which we satisfy our fundamental needs (Dubuc, 2002). A healthy relationship has laughter and humor. Laughing is a way to relieve tension in a relationship. Bonding in a relationship starts with laughing and growing together. Laughter can bring or rekindle a positive emotion role and the connection between couples. The couples that truly enjoy the company of each other will feel the benefits that laughing can have on the relationship. Laughing together creates helps anxiety and stress. Couples who eliminate stress and frustration through laughter can build a way to stronger intimacy. Stare into each other’s eyes; this has been known as a speechless conversation. There is no secret to a relationship but having communication skills is one of the steps toward a healthy and lasting relationship [ (Duerksen, 2007) ]. Every healthy relationship needs to have a path of communication. Effective communication is part of building and maintaining strong relationships. Communication includes more than words and grammar, the emotional layers of communication may be one of the most important for couples. Communication is a fundamental part of interaction in a relationship, knowing the emotional side to each other will help a couple become connected. Talk to each other about anything and everything. Keep an “open door” in the relationship the communication will flow between two people. There are gender differences when it comes to communicating. Women compared to men are more likely to express their feelings verbally and are more likely to offer support and direct eye contact. Whereas men are more likely to be nonverbal, men tend to feel over-whelmed with verbal communication and with draw from the situation. Humans have developed an elaborate verbal and nonverbal way of communicating as well as developing rules for how this kind of connection is accomplished. The way people interact with each other starts a form of connecting in a relationship. There cannot be a healthy relationship without communicating with the other person in the relationship. When in a relationship; what one says and does; how something is said and how one acts, is the groundwork for how a partner will communicate in return. The way we communicate with each other in a relationship is how one will form an opinion of an individual. Communication is a two ways street, it can be clear or vague, open or guarded, honest or dishonest it can even be spoken or unspoken, but there is no such thing as “no” communication. In a healthy relationship, open communication is the path in which partners show respect, honesty, and trust for each other. In a healthy relationship, time something to consider, nothing in a healthy relationship will show overnight; trust, honesty, respect, and forgiveness all take time to be established. Establishing priorities and setting goals, is the way to use the time together work. Even when one believes that there is no time, if goals are set then that time together will seem glorious. There is a way to find more time for each other. Plan night each week, for a special date if there are children ask a babysitter or trade childcare time with a friend to watch the children for a few hours for “couple’s time.” Once the date is scheduled, treat the date as if it were set in stone, do not cancel (unless an emergency arises). The anticipation of a planned time together can be fun and exciting, even if a couple has been together for a long time. Time is a vital key to a healthy relationship with a couple that may experience any problems. Relationships can be one of most challenging parts of life; many people put their best qualities out in a new relationship, but stumble while trying to maintain the relationship over the long-term [ (Woodford, 2000) ]. That is because keeping a relationship healthy and fulfilling requires a unique skill that many people do not have. A healthy relationship takes hard work and patience, trust and solid communication skills. Not every person can forgive another when the bonds of trust have been broken, but there is a way to understand each other that the relationship may have the chance to reconcile or realize that the relationship is not worth saving. Hold hands and walk together, have quite time together after a long day at work and cherish the time apart from each other knowing that the next time together will have made the time apart worthwhile. References Dubuc, B. (2002). The BrainTop to Bottom, Retrieved November 20, 2008, from The Brain: http://thebrain.mcgill.ca Duerksen, C. (2007). Communication Skills for Lifelong Relationships from Discovery Health.com. Retrieved October 9, 2008, from Discovery Health: http://health.discovery.com/centers/loverelationships/articles/communicate.html Hadkins, E. R. (2008). What makes a good relationship' Retrieved October 8, 2008, from Counseling Resources: http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/10/02/what-makes-a-good-relationship/Coundselingresource.com Lewicki, R. J. (2003, December). Trust and Trust building. Retrieved September 2008, from Beyong Intractability. Ed. Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess. Conflict Research Consortium, University of Colorado, Boulder, Colorado, USA.: http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/trust_building/ Luskin, F. (2007,October 8). Publishers Weekly, Retrieved November 20, 2008, from MasterFILE Premiere database. Oliver, G. J. (2008). Enriching Relationships for a Lifetime. Retrieved November 24, 2008, from The Center for Relationship Enrichment: http://www.liferelationships.com/ Sayre, K. (2008, November 23). Goal Setting guide. Retrieved November 25, 2008, from http://www.adminsecret.com/news/articles/1214-personal-time-planning Solomon, R. C. (2003). Building Trust - In Business, Politics, Relationships, and Life. Oxford University Press, Oxford Scholarship Online. Woodford, J. (2006, December 8). Family and Consumer Sciences. Retrieved November 24, 2008, from Healthy Relationships: http://washington.osu.edu/family-consumer-scienceFamily