Difference_and_Helping-_Sexuality

Difference and Helping- Sexuality “A sound understanding of the way difference can impact on helping and on the helping relationship, is essential for the helper” The difference dimension I am going to look at for the purpose of the essay is Sexuality and I have chosen this for a number of reasons including that I find it a very interesting subject, and I have a personal interest in it. For someone going to counselling sexuality can have a large impact, just as it can have an impact for the counsellor and this is because of the various views and opinions of sexuality, what it is, the attitudes of different people, new and changing legislation and the stereotypes that are around and it is important for a counsellor, or anyone in a helping role, to be aware of these. For people who come to counselling because they are questioning their sexuality or because they are facing difficulties because of their particular sexuality it is very important for the helper to be aware of the various things that could impact of their client, such as the views of the people around them. Most people these days are far more accepting than they were less than fifty years ago, but there are still people around who believe that homosexuality is wrong, and this can be for any one of a number of reasons. For example, for a long time the church has been a major impact on what people have believed about the world and the people in it and one of the things that the church has taught for a long time is that homosexuality is wrong, often quoting Leviticus as proof of this. This has been taught in the Christian church for a very long time and was even printed in books given to young children who were questioning things as they grew up. This view has held strong in the church despite it updating a lot of the views on the treatment of woman, what food is safe to eat and the attitudes of clean and unclean. Religious beliefs can have a huge impact on people and their attitudes and for a helper to not be aware of their client’s particular beliefs in relation to what they are bringing to the session can sometimes be dangerous. There are also people who have held onto the beliefs of the past that have been passed down through families and for whatever reason, believe that homosexuality is wrong. For a person who is questioning their own sexuality, this can be very difficult as to have your own family unable to accept your sexuality is very hard for most people. And then there are the beliefs and customs from other countries. A person who has moved from their country of origin to come to England or someone who was born in England but has parents who still hold their old customs and beliefs may have a very different view of sexuality. For example, in countries like Israel homosexuality is still considered unacceptable and same-sex marriages are not recognised or allowed and in some countries there is still the belief that it is completely wrong and people can be killed for the sexuality. A client that comes from a different background to the helper is going to most likely have different views on certain things, and sexuality is something that is viewed differently all around the world and even in the UK the differences are still around. But a helper cannot assume that their client has the same views as they do even if they are both from the same country because the experiences we have and the people we know affect these views. Sexuality covers a variety of things and is more than just the people we sleep with; it is also part of our identity, how we see ourselves, a label that we apply to ourselves or another and also encompasses the things that we like and what we do in our sexual lives. However, most people focus more on who a person is sleeping with to determine sexuality. Since as far back as the ancient Greeks and even before then there has been evidence of sexuality being abound in many forms, men sleeping with both boys and women and seeing the two practices as fairly similar and in most cases it was only the arrival of the Christianity and other monotheism religions that really changed things in ways of what was and wasn’t seen as good and bad. In a helping context an understanding of this history isn’t so important, but an understanding of more recent history is, especially of the laws and legislation that directly affects those of any sexuality that ‘deviates’ from the ‘norm’. Until the end of June 1998 the age of consent for homosexual men was eighteen and before then was twenty-one. Currently there are still various debates going on about whether to bring the age down to sixteen to be inline with heterosexuals, but there are arguments by some that the lowering of the age of consent will lead to more crimes being committed against young children. There is also Cause 28, which prohibits the teaching on homosexuality in schools, and also makes helping clients who are still in school and have issues surrounding their sexuality difficult. A helper working in a school with younger clients need to be aware of this and be careful to find a balance between the word of the law and the needs of the client. There have been various theories on how a person becomes homosexual and I will just cover a few here. One theory put forward by Skynner and Cleese in 19889 using a Freudian outlook, suggests that it is a condition that is brought about through “gender bonding and identity” and that it is a failure of the boy to cross the psychological bridge towards the same-gender parent. In failing to ‘become a male’ the adolescent seeks substitute figures “in an endless and unsatisfied attraction to the penis, as a symbolic longing for the father-figure who was never reached.” (Lines, 2005: 153) A study from 1981 in San Francisco by Weinberg & Hammersmith suggests that the major factor in predicting homosexual orientation in adulthood was childhood gender nonconformity. One thousand homosexual and five hundred heterosexual men and women were asked what sort of play activities they had and hadn’t enjoyed as a child. According to their findings gay men and lesbians were more likely to have not enjoyed activities typical of their sex and “significantly more likely to report that they had enjoyed activities typical of the other sex”. They were also more likely to have had more friends of the opposite sex as a child. (Smith, Nalen-Hoeksema, Friedrikson, Loftus, 2001:380) And there are plenty more around that would state that sexuality comes from the experiences we have and many others who argue that it is a biological state; the nature/ nurture debate. Due to sheer amount of different theories as to how homosexuality comes about each helper will have their own opinions on the matter and this can cause them to act differently towards a client whom they know is homosexual. It has been known not long ago for church run services to offer counselling to the lesbians, gays and bisexuals in their congregations and then to try to ‘cure’ these people of their sin and it hasn’t been that long, less than thirty years ago in face, that homosexuality was officially no longer considered a disease of the mind and even as late as 1991 the American Psychological Association had to publish guideline in order to avoid research articles written in an anti-homosexual manner (McLeod, 2004: 366). It is important for a helper to be aware of their own beliefs, opinions and theories about homosexuality and to ensure that these do not negatively affect the helping process. Some homosexual clients may ask for a helper of the same sexuality and this should be allowed, but it can be helpful in some cases to explore the reasons behind the choice. Some useful pieces of advice from one source for helpers working with gay, lesbian and bisexual clients are not to assume that the client’s sexuality is the cause of their difficulties and often their issues will bear little relevance to their sexuality, to not make assumptions about a person’s sexuality or life-style and to be aware that a client may be on the look out for any signs of homophobia and heterosexist thinking and for the helper to reflect on their own attitudes and experience of their sexuality. It is important to be comfortable in your own sexuality to be able to work effectively with lesbian, gay and bisexual clients. (Davies, 2004: 54-55) Recently the topic of lesbian and gay affirmative therapy has come into the spotlight with a number of helpers using it when working with lesbian and gay clients in order to give them a better experience of counselling and so far it does seem to be working in practice as a non-discriminatory attitude. (Milton & Coyle 2003: 482) The issues that are most important for a helper to be aware of I would say are, firstly, the pieces of recent legislation; some of which have granted gay, lesbian and bisexual people more rights, and others that are still holding them back. It is important to be aware of the fact that the age of consent is still higher for gay men than it is for heterosexuals and lesbians, who do not have an official age of consent, especially in regards to younger clients who might be just coming out or trying to work out exactly what it is that they feel. Also the laws about adoption and fostering for same-sex couples should be known by the helper as this can often be a major issue for couples that have been together for a while and would like a family together. Another issue that I think is very important when it comes to sexuality is the process of ‘coming out’, which for many is one of the most stressful and scary things that they will have to do in their lives. For some people coming out is a simple matter of telling their close friends, who may be open minded and welcoming to all, but for others it involves telling family and a much larger collection of people, some of whom may be completely against the idea of other sexualities. If the client is part of a religious group, or a cultural background that frowns on deviations in sexuality the process of coming out can be terrifying. I think that a helper should also know about same-sex marriages and civil ceremonies and the rights of the couples who go through with them as entering this sort of long-term commitment relationship is a big step for anyone, but for same-sex couples it can be a bigger step as, while they’ll have most of the same rights of heterosexual couples, there are still differences and, for a person who might have been questioning their sexuality for a while, or who hadn’t come out to everyone, entering into a legally bound partnership with someone of the same sex can be a very big moment. Other issues that I think a helper should have some understanding of is of the social discrimination that gay, lesbian and bisexual people receive, of the fact that in some circumstances they are still unable to be completely open about their sexuality such as in the armed forces and teaching professions, and in fact most professions where there is a lot of contact with young children. Laws that restrict the rights of gays, lesbians and bisexuals, such as Cause 28 and Section 22 are important to be aware of, and also of the fact that due to the general view of society and the people around them, a lot of gay, lesbian and bisexual clients may expect the helper to show signs of homophobia and heterosexism and could be on the lookout for signs throughout a session. The skills that I think a helper really needs in order to be able to help a gay, lesbian or bisexual client firstly is an understand of at least the recent history and legislation that affect the non-straight community because it is important to know what the major issues that are being faced and might be brought to a session. Secondly a helper needs to be aware of their own sexuality and be comfortable with it in order to be comfortable with their client. I think it would be more difficult to be completely honest with someone about my sexuality if I could tell that they weren’t even comfortable with their own. It is also important for a helper to not try to blame a client’s sexuality for their problems as it can be demeaning and insulting for a client to have a helper to act in this way, and although this probably does happen less than it did some years ago, I wouldn’t doubt that there have been recent occurrences of it as well. I think a helper should have the skills outlined in Rogers’ Core Conditions; unconditional positive regard, congruence and empathy and express them within the session whenever possible. A client who may be coming out for the first time in a session needs to feel as though they are accepted and understood and that they are safe at all times within the session and that the helper is ‘with them’ throughout. I think for relating properly to a gay, lesbian or bisexual client it is necessary to have had some experience of that culture, especially as there are still some people who believe that bisexuality doesn’t exist as a separate sexuality in itself. It is easier to talk to a person about certain issues if the helper understands a least a part of what this is about, whether through personal experience or through supporting someone else. I personally don’t think that it’s necessary for the helper and client to be of the same sexuality but I can understand why there are people who would want that and a helper needs to respect that want and if that is not something that is really available to the client, I think that a helper should be prepared to ask for the reasons behind why they wanted someone of the same sexuality and see if there is anything deeper in it. However the most important skill for a helper in my own opinion is simply to have empathy with the client and unconditional positive regard throughout the sessions, despite their own beliefs and sexuality. In conclusion I believe that a helper needs to understand that their client is still an individual and a person regardless of their sexuality, but they need an understanding of the issues that I have mentioned above in order to be truly effective in a session with their client. Word count: 2507 Bibliography LINES, D (2005) Brief Counselling in Schools; Working with Young People from 11 to 18 Sage SMITH, E.E; NALEN-HOEKSEMA, S; FREDRIKSON, B; LOFTUS, G.R (2003) Introduction to Psychology 14th edition Wadsworth Thomson DAVIES, D (2004) Sexual Orientation Handbook of Counselling and Psychotherapy Sage MCLEOD, J (2004) An Introduction to Counselling 3rd Edition Open University Press MILTON, M; COYLE, A (2003) Sexual Identity: Affirmative Practice with Lesbian and Gay Clients Handbook of Counselling Psychology 2nd Edition Sage